Eric Hoffer said that rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength. That little sentence has been pounding in my head like my neighbor, who is the drummer for a death metal band, ever since I came across it.
The worst part is, I know exactly what he means because I am guilty of it myself. Not every day, mind you; I’m not roaming the streets shouting at waiters, but more often than I care to admit.
The truth is, I’m not rude because I dislike people. I’m rude because I can’t always handle stress with grace. When I’m tired or anxious, my words tend to leave my mouth like they’re on fire. The poor person who happens to be in front of me; cashier, coworker, even family, gets singed. And the moment it happens, I know I’ve done it. That little wince on their face is like a mirror showing me at my worst.
The irony is that I don’t see myself as weak at all. Quite the opposite. I can usually get things done when they need to be done. I’m not paralyzed by indecision. If the world were collapsing, I’d be the one figuring out how to build a shelter out of scrap wood and a half-broken umbrella. Yet give me a long line at the post office, and suddenly I’m behaving like a petty dictator whose empire has fallen.
The thing about rudeness is that it feels strong in the moment. You get that little rush of superiority when you snap at someone, as if you’ve re-established control over a world that has slipped out of your grasp. But a few minutes later you realize you’ve won nothing. You’ve only managed to make a stranger’s day worse and your own dignity a little smaller.
So I’m adding this to my already ridiculous self-improvement list. Right there between floss more and stop pretending I understand modern art. I’ll try to take a breath before speaking, remind myself that stress isn’t an excuse, and accept that rudeness is not strength, no matter how much it tries to wear the mask.
At best, I’ll end up being a little kinder. At worst, I’ll just be breathing heavily in public, which may be unsettling, but at least it’s not rude.
Join us in making the world a better place. You’ll be glad that you did.
Cheers friends.