There’s a saying I came across recently, probably in one of the thousands of YouTube videos that I tend to get lost in:
You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.
At the time, I dismissed it as one of those lines people post online with a sunset in the background. But the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s not just true, it’s almost annoying how true it is.
Take me, for example. For years I thought the secret to happiness was ticking off all the goals I had carefully set for myself; mostly accomplishing, not just setting. They weren’t glamorous goals, just the standard-issue ones: work, family, house, car, that sort of thing. I believed that once I had those boxes checked, my world would finally feel secure and under control. But life doesn’t work like that. As soon as you finish one list, another shows up. More goals to set, more things to conquer, and still no big shift on the so-called happy meter. It turns out that “taking care of business” is just the routine maintenance of being alive. Necessary, sure, but not the same thing as happiness.
And it’s not just me. We all fall into this trap. Some people chase money, others chase relationships, promotions, or the latest “must-have” gadget. I know people with enough kitchen tools to open a diner, and still they complain that something’s missing. Meanwhile, a kid in the backyard with nothing more than a stick is having the time of his life. He doesn’t need an air fryer. The stick has already transformed into a sword, a wand, and a baseball bat; sometimes all three at once.
The problem is that we think happiness works like a vending machine. Put in the right amount; money, effort, or Amazon purchases, and happiness will roll out in a neat little package. Except what usually rolls out is regret and maybe a second credit card bill. And even when you do get what you want, the joy is gone so fast it feels defective. Like chips stuck in the vending machine coil, you keep shaking the machine hoping more will fall out, but it never does.
Money doesn’t save you either. Sure, a little makes life easier. No one is happier about a warm meal than the person who’s been hungry. But once the basics are met, piling more on top doesn’t fix the empty feeling. A yacht doesn’t become a magical floating paradise. It becomes something you have to clean and insure. Meanwhile, the guy down the street grilling hot dogs in his backyard is having a better time.
What gets me is that we know this. We’ve all seen those documentaries about monks smiling with their bowls of rice. We nod along and think, “Wow, they’ve really figured it out.” Then two hours later we’re scrolling online for a new coffee maker with twelve different brew settings, convinced this will finally be the one.
Here’s what I think: happiness sneaks in when you’re not looking. It’s not in the accomplishments or the gadgets. It’s in the dumb laugh you have with a friend, or the moment your neighbor waves at you like you’re the best part of their day. It shows up while you’re standing in the grocery store, cracking up over the idea that someone thought grape-flavored water was a good idea.
So yes, you can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy. But that’s not really bad news. It just means the chase is pointless, and the thing you’re looking for probably already happened; when you weren’t paying attention.
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Cheers friends.