Let’s talk about co-dependence, shall we? That word usually shows up in therapy sessions, pop psychology books with vaguely floral covers, or during Thanksgiving dinner right after someone brings up “boundaries.” It’s not a compliment. Nobody wants to be labeled co-dependent, much in the same way no one wants to be called “moist” or “clingy.” It’s a word that feels like it should come with a restraining order or, at the very least, a laminated pamphlet.
But here’s the thing: co-dependence gets a bad rap. In the context of a dysfunctional relationship; sure, it’s a nightmare. One person does all the cooking, cleaning, and emotional heavy-lifting, while the other person contributes by breathing in and out and occasionally saying, “What’s for dinner?” That’s not healthy. That’s how you end up with one person rocking silently in a corner while the other one can’t find their socks because they’ve never once looked down.
However, zoom out just a little, past the relationship advice columns, beyond the awkward couples therapy role-play scenarios, and you’ll see something a bit more honest: we’re all co-dependent. Every single one of us. Not just the ones in code-red, soap-opera-style relationships. Everyone.
I, for one, depend on a small army of people just to remain upright in this world. My dentist, for example. Without him, I would look like someone who opens soup cans with their mouth. My pharmacist knows me so well I once considered inviting him to Thanksgiving. And don’t get me started on the barista who spells my name wrong on purpose because we both know I’ll never correct her. This is not dysfunction. This is civilization.
Let’s not pretend we’re these self-sufficient, rugged individualists, chopping our own firewood and growing kale in a victory garden. The last time the Wi-Fi went down at my place, I experienced what can only be described as a small emotional collapse. I had to go outside. Outside. With trees and sunlight and all that unbearable chirping.
The myth of the fully functional, self-contained adult is one of modern life’s cruelest jokes. No one is fully functional. I know this because I’ve met people. Even the most put-together among us are just one dental emergency away from eating instant pudding on the couch for three days and crying during insurance commercials.
We are designed to rely on each other. It’s baked in. You don’t see squirrels running food banks or deer launching mutual aid networks, but humans? We form support groups because we need to. We build entire industries out of advice and reassurance. (Hello, therapy! Hello, inspirational Instagram quotes in whimsical fonts!) This is not weakness. This is what it means to be human.
So yes, co-dependence can be a bad thing, especially when it’s the kind where one person can’t go to the grocery store without texting the other person nine times to ask which kind of almond milk they like. (It’s always unsweetened vanilla. This never changes.) But there’s another kind, the ordinary, everyday kind, where we just… help each other. We remind each other to take the chicken out of the freezer. We say “you’re not crazy” when the world starts to feel like a Salvador Dalí painting. We show up.
And honestly, until we all evolve into hyper-functioning, emotionally pristine beings who levitate above disappointment and fold their laundry the same day it’s washed, I think we could all benefit from a little healthy co-dependence. The kind where you take care of me when I fall apart, and I do the same for you next Tuesday around 4:30 when your mother calls and uses the phrase “just my opinion.”
So what do you say? Let’s be imperfect, slightly needy, moderately co-dependent humans – together. I’ll bring the snacks if you remember where we parked the car.
Deal?
Join us in making the world a better place – you’ll be glad that you did. Cheers friends.
