I saw the phrase ne’er-do-well this morning and felt; there’s something to be said about this idea.
In the nineteenth-century Australasian colonies, it referred to young British and Irish men who had somehow failed to become what society expected. Many were younger sons from wealthy families. They weren’t going to inherit the estate. They weren’t expected to carry on the family name. So they were shipped off to the colonies with a modest allowance and the vague hope that hardship might accomplish what privilege had not.
They became known as remittance men because they lived on money sent from home. Their reputation was poor. They drank. They gambled. They drifted. They became symbols of wasted potential. But I wonder if we’ve somewhat misunderstood the story. What if these young men weren’t born failures? What if they became failures because they believed that was the role society had already assigned them?
Imagine growing up knowing that your older brother would inherit everything. That tradition had already decided where your value ended. You were the extra child. The backup plan. The leftover. How much motivation survives after hearing that message for twenty years? Eventually, some people stop trying to prove society wrong. They decide to prove society right. “If you think I’m worthless, then I’ll become worthless.” And, over time, ambition gives way to a new identity. A person begins to see themselves through the eyes of a society that has already decided their worth.
I wonder how often we do the same thing in our society?
How many children grow up convinced that school has already decided they aren’t smart enough? How many people conclude that because they’re poor, disabled, addicted, formerly incarcerated, homeless, or simply different, society has subtextually informed them that they no longer matter? How many people stop contributing because they honestly believe nobody expects anything from them anymore? Or cares about them anymore? We often describe these people as lacking motivation. But I suspect many of them lack something else entirely…
Expectation.
Human beings have an incredible ability to become the stories they believe about themselves. Tell someone they’re dangerous often enough, and some will become dangerous. Tell someone they’re incapable often enough, and some will stop trying. Tell someone they’ve nothing to offer, and eventually they’ll stop offering anything.
It’s psychology. It’s sociology. And societies create identities every bit as much as families do. But the remarkable thing is that… the opposite is also true.
People often rise to the level of expectation.
I’ve seen it happen at our community resource center. Someone walks through the door convinced they’re another hopeless case. They expect another lecture. Another dead end. Another reminder of everything they’ve done wrong. Instead, someone sits down with them. Someone listens. Someone cares. Someone shows love. Someone says, “Let’s figure this out together.”
Something magical happens in that moment. Their problems don’t just disappear. But something else begins. For perhaps the first time in years, another human being is acting as though they’re worth investing in. And sometimes that changes everything.
We spend enormous amounts of time asking how to reduce crime, poverty, addiction, loneliness, and hopelessness. Those are certainly important questions. But I wonder if there’s another one that belongs beside them: how do we build a society where every person genuinely believes they have something valuable to contribute?
Because societies don’t produce only successful people. They also produce failures. Not intentionally (one would hope). But through thousands of small messages about who belongs, who matters, and who is expected to contribute. If we continually communicate to people that they’re leftovers, we shouldn’t be surprised when some begin living like leftovers. But if we build societies that expect contribution instead of merely tolerating existence, something remarkable happens… people begin looking for ways to live up to that expectation.
Perhaps the opposite of a ne’er-do-well isn’t someone with more talent or drive or ability. Perhaps it’s simply someone who has been convinced that their life matters. And maybe that’s one of the greatest responsibilities any society has: to make sure no one grows up believing they were the extra child.
p.s.
An important take-away from this idea is that it connects several themes;
- community is the foundation of society,
- people need purpose more than charity,
- social capital is every bit as important as financial capital,
- and that the role of healthy communities is to invite people into contribution rather than merely provide services.
You see; many social problems are not simply failures of character; they’re, ultimately, failures of belonging. When people believe they have no meaningful place in society, some begin living as though that’s true. The solution, then, isn’t lowering expectations or laying blame. It’s raising expectations while, at the same time, making sure everyone knows they have a place. That they belong.
Because…
Every person has something to contribute, and one of the primary jobs of a healthy society is to help people discover what that contribution might be.
Join us in making the world a better place. You’ll be glad that you did.
